


what kind of name is that for a group chat?

by hawkeyesbutt



Series: dragon age uni au [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 12:33:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7222450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkeyesbutt/pseuds/hawkeyesbutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>modern university au: an exploration of ur fav companions as they live together and go to class and get really fucking drunk - all shown through their facebook group chats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what kind of name is that for a group chat?

**Author's Note:**

> i jus started writing this one day and kept going. so

_dick squad sent a message to flat chat:_

  
**dick squad:** my lovely floor companions. it hurts me to ask, since i know none of you would dream of doing this on purpose, but i’ve noticed that certain things of mine seem to have gone missing. dare i ask who the fuck has taken all of my knives and forks?

  
**angst machine:** Why are you even asking. It was probably sera.

  
**robin da hood:** the fuck???? what am i gonna do with ur nasty cutlery. 

  
**dick squad:** stop me from having my dinner?

  
**Satan Reincarnate:** sorry zevran!!!! i was borrowing them for my project!!!! i’ll wash them up and give them back now : D

  
**robin da hood:** see? wasnt me. was just ditzy over there

  
**egg man, the egg can:** What in Thedas could you need that many knives and forks for?

  
**egg man, the egg can:** Never mind, I don’t want to know.

  
**egg man, the egg can:** Speaking of things going missing… I noticed that the sign on my door has been taken. Again.

  
**angst machine:** Just stop putting it up. Sera’s obviously going to keep defacing it. 

  
**robin da hood:** im innocent i swearrrrrrr

  
**robin da hood:** fenpiss if u dont stop dobbing me in im gonna do something nasty to ur room next 

  
**angst machine:** Try it. I’d love a reason to get you kicked out of these halls.

  
**robin da hood:** ahhhh but if i got kicked out who would you get insanely drunk with and bitch about other people with huh????? 

  
**robin da hood:** bet u didnt think of that  >:)))))

  
**angst machine** : I have other friends you know.

  
**robin da hood:** DID YOU JUST CALL ME UR FRIEND??? HAHA PUSSY ASS BITCH

  
**angst machine:** Fuck you. I’m never drinking with you again. 

  
**robin da hood:** liar, u love dirnking with me :DDDD

  
**robin da hood:** *drinking

  
**angst machine:** Don’t tell me you’ve started drinking already.

  
**robin da hood:** why afraid im gonna beat you???

  
**angst machine:** How. How do you beat someone at drinking?

  
**robin da hood:** by getting drunk first obviously

  
**angst machine:** Then you win automatically, you lightweight.

  
**egg man, the egg can:** Can you two talk on a separate chat?

  
**dick squad:** fenny, why do you never want to drink with me : (

  
**angst machine:** Because you do things like call me ‘fenny’, zevran.

  
**dick squad:** isabela calls you fenny all the time!

  
**angst machine:** Thats isabela. I can’t stop her.

  
**dick squad:** but i’m cuter than isabela  </33333

  
**angst machine:** ...

  
**dick squad:** that wasn’t a no! ; )

  
**Satan Reincarnate:** i think you’re cute zevran!!!!! but isabela is way cuter : P

  
**dick squad:** thank you my dear, there’s nothing better than an honest compliment. other than clean cutlery returned to their owner :-))))))))

  
**robin da hood:** damn u salty

  
**egg man, the egg can:** Sera.

  
**egg man, the egg can:** Did you just slide this piece of paper under my door?

  
**robin da hood:** idk what does the paper say solass

  
**egg man, the egg can:** It was you, wasn’t it.

  
**robin da hood:** i dont knOOOOOOW solas, why dont u tell me what it says so i can confirm ????

  
**egg man, the egg can:** It’s...

  
**egg man, the egg can:** It’s a picture of The Iron Bull’s bottom.

  
**robin da hood:** OHHHH that??? yep. that was me

  
**egg man, the egg can:** Why. Did you give me this.

  
**robin da hood:** figured u needed something to jerk off to other than ur chess pieces

  
**egg man, the egg can:** What makes you think Bull is what I want to, so you say, ‘jerk off to’?

  
**robin da hood:** cuz its bull

  
**robin da hood:** obviously

  
**dick squad:** solas, if you don’t want the picture, may i have it? 

  
**egg man, the egg can:** What do you intend to do with it...

  
**dick squad:** don’t ask questions you won’t like the answer to ; )

  
**robin da hood:** UR SO NASTY LMAOOO

  
**dick squad:** i try, i try.

  
**dick squad:** seriously tho. can i have it?

  
**egg man, the egg can:** Um. Sure.

 

* * *

 

  
**robin da hood:** fenny……… who was that tall dark stranger leaving ur room this morning ;)))))))))))))

  
**angst machine:** I have no idea what you’re talking about.

  
**dick squad:** tall???? dark???

  
**angst machine:** Oh no.

  
**dick squad:** are you fucking garrett hawke?!

  
**robin da hood:** zev i gotta say im impressed by ur detective skills

  
**angst machine:** Shut up. I’m not. 

  
**robin da hood:** fuck off ur obviously fuckin

  
**robin da hood:** what else u gonna be doing? pottery?

  
**Satan Reincarnate:** oh, are you and hawke together now fenris? that’s so sweet!

  
**angst machine:** Can you all shut the fuck up? It’s none of your business. If any of you ever bring this up again ill break all your shit.

  
**robin da hood:** dick werent dat bomb then

  
**robin da hood:** ahHAHAH FENRIS ARE U TRYING TO BASH MY DOOR DOWN

  
**robin da hood:** OH SHIT UR SERIOUS

  
**robin da hood:** FENNY IM SORRY STOP ALREADY HOLY SHIT 

 

 

  
**Zevran:** you okay??

  
**Fenris:** I'm fine. leave me alone.

  
**Zevran:** isabela mentioned a few things.

  
**Fenris:** Of course she did. I don't care. Please just butt out of this.

  
**Zevran:** okay.

  
**Zevran:** fenris i know you've never liked me but i see you as a friend, and i merely wanted to say that if you ever needed someone to talk to, 'elf to elf' shall we say, then i'm all ears  <3

  
**Fenris:** I'm ignoring the elf joke.

  
**Fenris:** But thank you.

  
**Fenris:** ...I don't dislike you. it's just easier to pretend I do.

  
**Zevran:** :))))

  
**Fenris:** You knew that already didn't you. you just wanted me to admit it

  
**Zevran:** luv you too fenny! ;* 

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
**egg man, the egg can:** Okay, so I already know who has done this. But I would appreciate it if the perpertrator returned my belongings this instant.

  
**Satan Reincarnate:** What's happened???

  
**egg man, the egg can:**  Why are you online? Shouldn't you be in class?

  
**Satan Reincarnate:** I am!! Just texting Isabela : D

  
**dick squad:** it's too early for this

  
**Satan Reincarnate:**  Oh no Zevran are you hungover again??!! D:

  
**dick squad:** unfortunately

  
**dick squad:** either that or i’m dead, who can really say.

  
**egg man, the egg can:**  Serves you right. But the fact still remains that I want my things back.

  
**dick squad:** wasn’t me. isabela can vouch. my vomit is currently all over her bedroom carpet. 

  
**egg man, the egg can:**  I know full well who it was. How convenient that she's not online.

 

  
**robin da hood:** i assume eggy thinks ive done something to him

  
**robin da hood:** sooooo paranoid

  
**egg man, the egg can:** Have you just woken up?

  
**robin da hood:** mebbe

  
**egg man, the egg can:** It’s 5pm. Didn’t you have class today?

  
**robin da hood:** none of ur beeeeswax

  
**egg man, the egg can:** Fine, whatever. Can I please just have my stuff back?

  
**robin da hood:** what stuff

  
**egg man, the egg can:** You know what stuff. Don’t act coy. You don’t suit it.

  
**robin da hood:** mate got no idea what ur talkin about

  
**robin da hood:** jog my memory for me

  
**robin da hood:** what EGGSactly have i supposedly taken

  
**robin da hood:** hmmmmm???

  
**egg man, the egg can:** My D &D kit. It was left in the kitchen, tucked out of the way, and now it’s gone. 

  
**egg man, the egg can:** I need it for tonight and I know you took it just to mess with me.

  
**robin da hood:** werent me

  
**robin da hood:** what am i gonna do with ur nerd shit anyway 

  
**egg man, the egg can:** Well someone took it. You’re the most likely culprit.

  
**robin da hood:** are u forgetting the LAST person who stole something from someone in our kitchen hmmm???

  
**egg man, the egg can:** ...

  
**egg man, the egg can:** Merrill?

  
**Satan Reincarnate:**  yes???

  
**egg man, the egg can:** Did you take my D &D kit?

  
**Satan Reincarnate:** no!!!!

  
**egg man, the egg can:** One of you has it. Stop messing around.

  
**robin da hood:** check our rooms if u dont believe us solass we aint got nothin

 

  
**Sera:** can i hide solas D &D kit in ur room

  
**Fenris:** No.

  
**Sera:** pleaseeeeee come on

  
**Sera:** u realise hes invited all his nerd friends round later to play theyre gonna be up all night yelling about dragons and shi t

  
**Fenris:** Who cares. Just don’t go into the kitchen.

  
**Sera:** >:((((

  
**Sera:** whats got u in such a hump

  
**Sera:** usually u at least consider helping me out w my pranks

  
**Fenris:** Nothing. 

  
**Sera:** about hawke innit

  
**Fenris:** I wish people would stop assuming all my problems revolve around Hawke. I have an actual life that isn’t dedicated to a man I’m not even in a relationship with. 

  
**Sera:** wassit about then

  
**Sera:** tell

  
**Fenris:** ...

  
**Fenris:** My ex-boyfriend has been messaging me. 

  
**Sera:** thas it??? block the bitch

  
**Fenris:** My abusive ex-boyfriend. Has been messaging me on everything I own. Every social media, every device. 

  
**Fenris:** I’m scared he’s going to come and find me on campus soon.

  
**Sera:** oh shit

  
**Sera:** boi that aint good

  
**Sera:** what a dickhead obv u dont wanna talk if he has to go through every site u go on 

  
**Sera:** how was he abusive like manipulatively or

  
**Fenris:** I’d rather not go into it.

  
**Sera:** fairs

  
**Fenris:** Not soberly, anyway.

  
**Sera:** …….. 

  
**Sera:** does that mean what i think i t means :))))))

  
**Fenris:** Indeed it does. 

  
**Fenris:** Only if you give Solas his kit back.

  
**Sera:** ughhhhhhh wh y are u like this

  
**Sera:** fine

 

  
**robin da hood:** o look solas i found ur d &d kit it was under the sink in the kitche n how weird is that

  
**egg man, the egg can:** I looked there already.

  
**robin da hood:** look again then

  
**egg man, the egg can:** …

  
**egg man, the egg can:** Thank you, Sera.

  
**robin da hood:** jus dont be yellin about dragon egg lore until 3am ok

  
**egg man, the egg can:** I can make no promises. 


End file.
